


Jack Morrison and Gabriel Reyes are Dead

by DreamerInSilico



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Cranky Old Husbands, Humor, M/M, References to Shakespeare, The Absurdist-Existentialist Theatre AU (almost) No One Asked For, Theatre Humor, a tumblr shitpost spectacularly derailed my NaNo work, and this is what happened, in which Gabriel is a theatre kid, who would probably enjoy this thing immensely from atop the fourth wall, with apologies to Samuel Beckett and Tom Stoppard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-28 22:05:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16731492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamerInSilico/pseuds/DreamerInSilico
Summary: Reaper76: the absurdist stage play, inspired by "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead" and "Waiting For Godot."





	Jack Morrison and Gabriel Reyes are Dead

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god I cannot believe I'm writing this thing. 
> 
> Inspired by this post on Tumblr: https://prokopetz.tumblr.com/post/180360260022/concept-mid-20th-century-existentialist-theatre
> 
> I started thinking about how on EARTH any of my favorite media would translate, and then I realized it actually worked with Overwatch just a little too well. And this happened. I'm terribly amused by writing it, so there's a nonzero chance it'll end up as a full-length play, but whether it goes that long or not, I already know the ending (and am delighted with it), so it'll go on at least long enough to reasonably get to that.

SCENE ONE

 

_Two OLD SOLDIERS sit on top of a building.  It is nighttime, with sounds and lights of a bustling city below.  A Swiss flag is visible._

_JACK is a grizzled, white-haired man in red, white, and blue moto leathers, with a mask and visor that covers most of his face.  GABRIEL is a man of similar build, completely swathed in black - body armor, boots, and hooded greatcoat - with a bone-white mask resembling a skull, or perhaps an owl._

_GABRIEL is attempting, with difficulty, to reload a large, ornate shotgun._

 

...

  


GABRIEL: ( _growling_ ) Dammit.

JACK: Is that really necessary, Gabe?

GABRIEL: Yes.  I’m going to shoot you.

JACK: _(long-suffering_ ) ...Is that really necessary, Gabe?

GABRIEL: ( _vehemently_ ) Yes!

JACK: _(resigned_ )  Fine.  You know, I’ve never seen you reload those before.

GABRIEL: Before? 

JACK: Before. 

GABRIEL: Maybe you should have watched more carefully.

JACK: Maybe I should have.  ( _a pause_ )  I’m watching now.

GABRIEL: ( _sneeringly_ ) Yes, Jack, watch the monument, as if that will help anything.  As if the building it replaced wasn’t already gone.

JACK: The world thinks we’re gone.

GABRIEL: ( _gives up on the shotgun with a curse_ ) The world is gullible.  

JACK: Most of the time I feel gone.

GABRIEL: That sounds like a personal problem.

JACK: ( _with audible eyerolling_ ) _You’re_ a personal problem.

GABRIEL: ( _suddenly pleased_ ) I _am_ your personal problem, aren’t I?

JACK: Always have been.

GABRIEL: You’re not going to shoot me, though.

JACK: I’m thinking about it.

GABRIEL: You thought about it the first day you met me.

JACK: Sure did.

GABRIEL: You smelled like sunlight.

JACK: You smelled like smoke.

GABRIEL: I did grow up LA.  

JACK: You still smell like smoke.

GABRIEL: I’m more dead than you are.

JACK: Are you really, though?

GABRIEL: Well, I don’t have a heartbeat, last I checked.  We should ask Angela about the medical technicalities.

JACK: I thought you were gonna shoot me?

GABRIEL: Well, someone should ask Angela.

JACK: Maybe ask Angela right after you shoot me, so she can keep me from dying from it.

GABRIEL: ( _amused_ ) I thought heroes never died?

JACK: ( _gruffly_ ) I’m no hero.  ( _a pause)_  And anyway, that’s her line for a reason.  If you ever get that reloaded.

GABRIEL: _(curses at the shotgun again and tries once more, fails)_ It never needed it before.

JACK: Your guns didn’t need ammo?

GABRIEL: Well, did yours?

JACK: _(taken-aback_ ) … Yes?  I’m not sure where I carried it but I’m pretty sure I had to reload.  You never did.

GABRIEL: I had a lot of guns.

JACK: No one can carry that many guns.

GABRIEL: No one can live through their own death, either, but we did.

JACK: Hmm.

GABRIEL: _(tosses the ammo aside uncaring, aims at JACK, and shoots.  The gun fires.)_

JACK: _(dies)_

GABRIEL: You always did have a high opinion of yourself.

 

_Lights dim, lingering on GABRIEL for a moment before going out completely._

 

\--

  


SCENE TWO

 

_Lights return, first upon GABRIEL attempting to reload his shotgun.  Then JACK walks up from behind and sits down next to him on the same building roof._

GABRIEL: _(unsurprised and unimpressed)_ Oh, it’s you.

JACK: Old soldiers are hard to kill.

GABRIEL: Annoyingly so.

JACK: _(after a pause)_ Kiss me?

GABRIEL: Your mask’s in the way.

JACK: So is yours.

GABRIEL: You asked me, and yet you’re not taking any positive action to make it doable.  Does that mean you’re willing to take your mask off if I do? Or that you want me to take yours off?  Or that you want me to take mine off so you can laugh at me behind your own? Or do you just want me to bump mine against yours so some tabloid photographer on the nearest roof will have a good laugh of it?

JACK: _Is_ there a tabloid photographer on the nearest roof?

_SOMBRA emerges stealthily, unlit, onto another building top, stage right.  She is unnoticed by GABRIEL and JACK._

GABRIEL: _(not bothering to look)_ Most of my life has obeyed the Rule of Drama.  Being dead hasn’t seemed to change that.

JACK: _(sarcastic)_  I don’t know about a Rule of Drama, but you sure are _dramatic._

_JACK gets up to look into the distance, stage right; as he does so, lights come on for SOMBRA.  She is a young latina woman dressed largely in bright purple._

SOMBRA: _(grinning, waves and flashes him a thumbs-up)_

JACK: _(bemused)_ Well, there’s _someone_ watching us over there, but it doesn’t look like she has a camera.

GABRIEL: ( _finally turns to look, and upon noticing SOMBRA, lets out an audible sigh and raises his middle finger to her before returning to his previous position.)_  

SOMBRA: ( _c_ _alling out cheerfully)_ Not going to bite your thumb at me, pendejo?

GABRIEL: ( _ignores her_ ) She has a camera.  You’re just not gonna see it.

_Lights dim on SOMBRA once more as JACK sits back down.  Exit SOMBRA stage right._

JACK: She’s not a tabloid photographer, though?

GABRIEL: ( _cryptically)_ No, she’s a headache.

JACK: ( _amused and affectionate)_ You can’t help yourself, collecting those, can you?

GABRIEL: ( _resigned_ ) I didn’t really collect this one.  She’s more like a stray cat who made herself at home in my garage. 

JACK: ( _delighted_ ) You’re adorable!

GABRIEL: ( _growling_ ) I’m divorcing you.

JACK: Didn’t the whole ‘we’re dead’ thing make that kind of unnecessary?

GABRIEL: Death doesn’t really seem to part us for long, though, does it?

JACK:  ( _thoughtful)_  That’s true.  Guess you’re stuck with me.

GABRIEL: Not if I divorce you.

JACK: Dead men can’t file for divorce.

GABRIEL: Oh.  Right. ( _he considers this briefly_ ) Parliament posthumously annulled Edward-the-whatever-number-it-was’s marriage to Elizabeth Woodville during the War of the Roses.  Maybe I could get an act of Parliament.

JACK: ( _incredulously_ ) One, we’re Americans.  We don’t have a Parliament.

GABRIEL: Congress, then.

JACK: Two, how did you even…?

GABRIEL: Don’t you ever fall into a Wikipedia hole?

JACK: ...Yes?  But not about dead English monarchs.

GABRIEL: Your loss; they’re an exciting bunch.

JACK: They’re dead.

GABRIEL: So are we, remember?

JACK: ( _heaves a loud sigh_ )

GABRIEL:  ( _thoughtful_ ) First I’d have to get someone to introduce the bill.  Maybe one of my senators.

JACK: You’re not a California resident anymore, on account of being dead.  You don’t have senators.

GABRIEL: ( _ignores him_ ) One of them’s Green Party; that’d be a good choice for getting multi-partisan support.  If I got the Democratic Socialist one to do it, the Grand Old Pendejos would probably think it had some kind of stealth-liberal agenda…

JACK: ( _exasperated_ ) Oh my god, Gabriel.

GABRIEL: ( _still ignoring him_ ) If I started it in the House, though, we’ve got a Pirate partier there.  And I bet she’d do it just because she thought it was funny.

JACK: _(deadpan_ ) Oh yes, divorce, so funny.

GABRIEL: ( _still ignoring him_ ) Yeah, definitely going with Pirate party.  Sail that bill -- ( _pauses for a beat, then laughs sharply; JACK is now facepalming)_ \-- sail that _ship_ right through Cong- ( _cut off by JACK, who shoots him after pushing a button on the side of his mask that makes a red light come on.)_

GABRIEL: ( _dies_ )

JACK: Someone had to do it.

 

_Lights linger on JACK for a few moments before dimming to black._

**Author's Note:**

> No, Gabriel isn't going to stay dead any more than Jack did, of course.


End file.
